Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Blue Ohioan

Ohioans are Americans who speak English. Got it?

Listen up Ohioans! We have a developing crisis of the most serious nature. If we do not act immediately, our state and nation will be at risk. We can no longer choose to sit by and let this happen. We must rise up as one and collectively make our voices heard!

Except, we must do it in English.

That means all you people who aren't from here should sit down and shut up. Because this is about you. It's about you being different from the rest of us. It's about the way you talk, the way you look, the way you dress. It's about how the rest of us feel when we hear you talking in the supermarket lines. We know you're talking about us. And we don't like it.

We don't like having to "press 2" or even having to choose between English and another language on the ATM. We don't like those clever little signs at the airport that point you to the Sunglass Hut or Concourse D.

We don't like things we don't understand. Non-conformity opens the door to trouble. Once we let people talk differently, they'll start thinking differently too. You know what's next. Soon, we'll be forced to accept them, tolerate them, and let them live their own lives on their own terms. That's simply un-American.

In a world with so many problems, we Ohioans can fix it all by rallying together. Against "those people." Once we shut them up and drive them to Kentucky and Indiana, our economy will flourish, schools will improve, and taxes will drop. By sending a message to the Mexicans, Germans, French, and Koreans, that they aren't welcome in Ohio, we can finally get gas prices to drop back to $2 a gallon. If we make it known to the world that the world isn't welcome here, we'll be able to send all those foreign companies and their billions of dollars in investments back to where they came from. Good old English speaking Ohioans will finally be able to reestablish ourselves as an economic powerhouse by trading with Michigan and Pennslyvania instead of Norway and Israel.

We will finally be free of the chains that hold us back.
We will finally be able to walk in to any Taco Bell - whether it's in Fremont or Marietta - and order a hamburger and fries with pride!

By supporting the first step, HB 477, we can feel good about ourselves again.
It's finally our time, Ohioans!

We shouldn't feel like second class citizens.
Those other people should.

Original post is here.

No comments: